Blind or just Stupid?

"Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin

One of the very few great things about working retail is that you get to see all kinds of stupid. Its a constant reminder that life could be worst. You could be the stupid person that walks thru those automatic doors.

Now, I'm not saying that all customers are stupid. But that most are. Some rare gems and most of them work retail themselves are very smart and most often than not, quite enjoyable to deal with.

But I digress. Have you ever at your job helping a customer wearing what ever goofy fuck outfit corporate decided would be the in store uniform with a name badge that clearly and boldly display the stores name, and gotten this question from another person waiting to get helped? "Do You Work Here?" But now lets take a step further. Lets say you are the only three people in the store and just for shits and giggles lets say its eight forty five and the said store closes at nine.

If you have, you understand that at that poing, there are about three things that rush thru your head at the same time. A, "This dude is a fucking idiot, I should punch him in the face for being so painfully stupid. B, This dude is the reason why people with low IQ's should be neutered and spayed. And finally C, look around you. Look at your shirt, adjust your name badge and innocently say "no". Walk away and watch that person sit there scratching their head trying to figure out, what fuck just happened.

Trust me always go with "C" it will make you feel better and don't worry about them making a complaint. Trust me on this if they actually realise that you where being rude. They will be to embarrassed to complain. But if they do complain, your manager will be too busy laughing to actually take what happened seriously. But best of all you'll have a great story to tell everyone.

Destine For Great Things

"You are destined for great things" my grandmother said once.

I believed her.

I still believe her.

Now, that when she said "great things" she meant things like finding the cure for cancer, helping find a solution to world hunger or finding a way to make world peace. And that when I thought of "great things", I thought of scarring a kindergarten class for life as I yelled at the top of my lungs that Santa Claus was not real and the dead bunny in my hands was the Easter bunny. Or instead of finding a cure for cancer, trying to find new and creative ways for people to get it sounded much more fun.

Yeah I'm a little messed up. But, I wasn't this way. I had a soul once and I think at one point, I actually had a "happy thought". But not anymore.

Why? You ask. Well, because I work in retail. As time passes and I continue to share bits of life and some of my best stories and day to day interaction with people in the daring world of retail. I'm sure you'll start to see things a little more like I do...

Don't get me wrong. I'm the kinda guy that sees the glass as being half full. I just see that the water is a little darker than you think.

The Day I Traded My Soul For A Little Cash.

A day like no other, or so I thought.

But boy was I wrong. This was the day that my high school photo teacher would tell me about "A great opportunity".

"Great opportunity" my ass. More like the beginning of the end for my soul and the last bit of "human" in me. The so called great opportunity was a job at a chain electronics store. I have to admit it sounded awesome at the time. I was sixteen and would be able to make lots of money selling Digital Cameras something, I really enjoyed learning and playing with. But after a few weeks of working at what I now call the first layer of hell. I would learn to passionately hate... well at least for the time I worked there.

When ever I close my eyes and ask myself. How did I end up here? I remember the hiring manager at for the sake of keeping those involved anonymous, well call purgatory.(so what if I've held on to that name for a long time trying to find the perfect time to use it...) Had this hungry look on his eyes as I signed the "Welcome Team Member" paper work. When I finished and handed it in, he flashed me an impish smile, he welcomed and thanked me. I know understand why he really thanked me. I had just added my soul to pit of retail.

I still remember the training videos, and a feeling as if every once of happiness being sucked out of me as the hours and hours of videos progressed.

...and that's the day I traded my soul for a little cash.